I'm giving up my day job to write about hot dogs

As a follow-up to this post from last week, I can't help but share the news that Joey Chestnut is the new world hot dog eating champion, clocking in at 66 hot dogs in the course of 12 minutes.

First, the picture:



Joey Chestnut (I covet that name) beat six-time champ Takeru Kobayashi in a dog-eat-dog match, 66 hot dogs to 63 hot dogs. After this embarrassing Iraq war, I think it's safe to say that America has regained her stature in this world.

From the NY Times article:

"Like the 15-round epics between Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed, the outcome was unclear until the end. The rivals matched each other frank for frank. Mr. Chestnut, who has also won championships for eating grilled cheese sandwiches, chicken wings and deep-fried asparagus, jumped out to an early lead, but was never more than three hot dogs ahead."

(Editor's Note: Do you suppose "Eye of the Tiger" was the theme song for yesterday's event? And who knew that there were contests for eating deep fried asparagus. Hey, at least they're working vegetables into the world of competitive eating, even if they're deep fried.)

"Mr. Kobayashi, who wolfed down nearly 18 pounds of pan-seared cow brains to win the Glutton Bowl, made a push in the last several minutes to finish in a tie. The two men were eating so fast, stuffing several hot dogs in their mouth at once, that midway through the contest, several of the 15 other entrants had stopped eating and were watching the main event at center stage."

(Editor's Note: 18 pounds of pan-seared cow brains? I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. But I do love that last sentence. Like pornography or a head-on car collision, the other contestants just couldn't take their eyes off of the main event...)

"Since both leaders appeared to have consumed 63 hot dogs and buns at the finish, the judges spent several minutes in a somewhat bizarre recount. According to the rules, whatever is in contestants’ mouths when the buzzer rings counts toward their total, assuming they can swallow it."

(Editor's Note: "Whatever is in contestants' mouths when the buzzer rings." Given that the components of a hot dog are pretty suspicious to begin with, I'd venture to say that this is a question for the ages.)

"When Mr. Chestnut was announced as the winner with 66 hot dogs and buns eaten, Mr. Kobayashi slumped in his chair, draped in a silver-colored blanket typically used by marathon runners."

(Editor's Note: Because I know you were wondering...the average amount of calories in one hot dog is about 240. That would mean that Joey Chestnut consumed 15,840 calories. In 12 minutes. Or, in other words, 990 grams of fat. In 12 f*cking minutes! If I find out that this dude has a waist size less than 32, I'm going to scream.)