"The dog eat dog world of competitive eating"

There are sentences I've never expected to read in my life. "New Jersey becomes top honeymoon destination." "Gay men flock to Nascar." "Tom Sizemore sobers up."

Add this one to the mix..."A half-dozen years of inhaling hot dogs at the rate of one every 14 seconds really has hurt Kobayashi's overworked jaw."

Takeru Kobayashi, for those who don't know (I didn't), is the six-time defending champion of the of the Nathan's hot dog eating contest. On his blog (yes, even he has a blog), Kobayashi admitted that his jaw has been hurting him, and he's gone to see a chiropractor and a specialist for relief.

How about a psychiatrist, too?

Y'all have to read this article about Kobayashi's ordeal. Better yet, let me post a few of my favorite lines.

The disclosure by the Japanese eating machine set stomachs rumbling throughout the dog-eat-dog world of competitive eating in the days before the annual Independence Day chowdown.

Some believe it is a ploy to unnerve his bun-swallowing rival, Joey Chestnut, who recently broke Kobayashi's world record by downing 59 1/2 dogs in 12 minutes.

(Editor's Note: His main rival is a guy named Joey Chestnut? And Joey Chestnut ate 59 1/2 hot dogs in 12 minutes? I actually feel a bit of disappointment about that. He couldn't have fit that last half in? There's no room for slackers in the 'dog eat dog world of competitive eating'.)

Or maybe it's true: a half-dozen years of inhaling hot dogs at the rate of one every 14 seconds really has hurt Kobayashi's overworked jaw.

(Editor's Note: You don't say.)

A weak jaw won't cut the mustard in a competition where the winner will likely need to down more than 50 hot dogs and buns. During his six years as champion, the 165-pound Kobayashi has consumed 301 1/4 hot dogs — a string of performances that made him the Michael Jordan of mass consumption.

(Editor's Note: So the guy eats a hot dog every fourteen seconds for six years, and he weighs only 165 pounds? Bitch, I did the raw diet for two weeks and I still have this tire swing around my waste.)

(Editor's Note: The Michael Jordan of mass consumption? I think there's got to be a limit to where Michael Jordan can be used as an analogy. Appropriate: Tiger Woods is the Michael Jordan of golf. Inappropriate: David Berkowitz is the Michael Jordan of killing.)

Chestnut, despite his skepticism, acknowledged Kobayashi might have strained his jaw while training for the event. "Your jaw and the muscles in your esophagus are the first to get sore," he explained.

(Editor's Note: Funny...I'd have thought that eating a hot dog every 14 seconds for six years would mean the colon would be the first to go.)

"I think, like all great champions, Kobayashi doesn't want to shy away from competition," said Shea. "But I don't want to put words in his mouth. And if I did, they'd have to be monosyllabic — not too much for him to swallow."

(Editor's Note: You know, I bet Kobayashi is just relishing this attention. There, I did it. You all knew I was going to, anyway.)